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May 2000 Features
xmag.com : May 2000 : Fulfilling a Global Knead
Fulfilling a Global Knead

By Donna Goodenough

I love to tell the stories of my friend Dave, who has enjoyed a diverse array of massage experiences all over the world. He's been done by barely legal teens, witch doctors, little men, big women and other individuals whose sex was indeterminate. He's had Swedish, Shiatsu, Rolfing, Therapeutic and Erotic massages. He's been massaged on slabs of marble, on the beach, in bed, on floors, in a Turkish bath, a Thai whorehouse and even in a barber's chair!

'She paused to change the radio station in the middle of her fellatio.'

His favorite stories come from Asia where fantastic hour-long kneads that end with an even more needed fuck or a blowjob can be had for a measly $3. A friendly rickshaw driver on the fringes of Bangkok delivered him to one such experience. The Darling Massage Parlor offered two pleasures for the price of one. Two petite girls led him upstairs where one drew his bath and undressed him skillfully as the other rubbed her breasts on him and fondled him to a full erection. He relaxed in the tub with one while the other poured scented oils into the water and began washing and massaging him. After a very intense 'cleansing' of his private parts, they all proceeded to the bed. "One girl was definitely the aggressor," he remembers. She pinned him on the bed and began kissing him in a most powerful way while the other girl sucked his cock. He could tell the one doing the sucking was obviously overcome with passion, he recalls, because of the way she paused to change the radio station in the middle of her fellatio. But her transgression was soon forgotten; when she resumed her expert sucking and eagerly swallowed every drop he gave her. What a bargain they were!

Then there was the barber chair incident in West Sumatra. What had originally started as an innocent haircut ended with a surprise visit from the barber's beautiful daughter, who offered Dave a massage. While the girl began rubbing Dave's shoulders the barber excused himself and the show began. She asked for 5000 Rupiah ($2.50) and expertly relieved him of his pants while he remained seated. She hiked up her dress, climbed onto the chair and straddled him. She proceeded to bounce up and down on his stiff one (in a most raucous way!) for what seemed like a delicious eternity to Dave. "But I was afraid someone would walk in on us! It was just an ordinary barber shop!" Then the kinkiness of it all finally took its toll and Dave gave the girl all he had. She seemed happy to get it.

But not all his memorable massages happened in Asia. Near Antigua, Guatemala he visited a health spa that touted their combination of therapeutic mud baths, whirlpool, loofa cleansing ritual and massage as the ultimate. His masseuse was a gorgeous young woman. Their only barrier was language, but a helpful hand illustrated sign showed that first you showered, then did the mud bath, the whirlpool, the cleansing and finally, the massage. At the end there was an illustration of a smiling, shining man with the caption "Nuevo hombre" (new man). The cold shower, the hot mud bath and the whirlpool were very pleasant for Dave. But while he lay naked on the table, he feared the woman was trying to separate him from his skin as she aggressively abraded his flesh with the loofa. Then came the massage. She began to rub his body with a marvelously fragrant ointment that quickly penetrated his exfoliated skin and soon had him tingling from head to toe. He said his skin never felt more alive. After a while she began to rub his cock with it.and then his balls. It gave him the wildest sensation he's ever had! The woman proficiently gave him one hell of a hand job, using the mysterious ointment for lubrication. It took a full week for his dick to cool off. Not bad for $6.00!

While visiting the Turkish town of Safranbulu, Dave thought he might try his luck at a hammam (bath) but remembered an unpleasant experience he'd had months earlier in a Moroccan hammam where a man had used what Dave described as "a bazaar method of S&M to try and break every bone in my body!" Such are the techniques of Rolfing massages. Anyway, hammams are not for sex; at least not if you're heterosexual. Dave was temporarily traveling with a buddy and the two decided to get a massage. Dave would go first while his friend watched.

The hammam was dank, unpleasantly odoriferous and at least 110 degrees. Dave stretched out naked on the table and the analogy to torture began. Intense grunts and groans erupted frequently, which sent his buddy into fits of hysterics. 'Molay' dug his strong fingers deep into Dave's poor, puny, flabby body and particularly relished grabbing handfuls of Dave's soft belly. For 45 minutes Molay attempted to crush Dave's bones in a series of painful maneuvers.

Molay mounted the table, put his knee on Dave's chest and proceeded to yank as hard as he could on Dave's arms. Then, flipping him over Molay proceeded to bend Dave's legs backwards at the hip joint as far as he could, causing Dave to scream. By now, his buddy was rolling on the floor, laughing. But the grand finale came when the man returned Dave to a face up position and attempted to jerk him off. They left the hammam immediately; his buddy was first to run for the nearest exit. Dave hobbled along after him as fast as he could!

Back to Dave's favorite stomping grounds; Asia. One of Dave's most disappointing (and embarrassing) sex massages happened in Viet Nam. He remembers being tired that day and not particularly in the mood for sex. But, as luck would have it, he was approached by an eager and rather insistent 'professional' woman. Her price for a massage and 'fuckie' was steep at about $10. The idea of a massage interested him a lot more, just then, than the opportunity for sex. He had been traveling for six months and he just wanted to be pampered.

Asian HookerHe paid for her services up front and she took him to a room, where rather unceremoniously she began tearing his clothes off. His attempts to get the lady to slow down and be a little more sensual were rebuffed like a bronco just let out of the chute. She wouldn't cuddle with him, wouldn't kiss him or let him kiss her and she was rough. He tolerated this for quite some time before he succumbed with much embarrassment, to the realization that he was still completely limp. She attempted to give him a half-assed massage, which reminded him a lot of the hammam fiasco. He simply wasn't enjoying this experience so far and began to get irritable. In a huff, she flopped over onto her back and spread her legs wide open. "Fuckie! Fuckie!" she snapped.

After a bewildered and unenthusiastic explanation that he needed a little penile stimulation first, "she reached out and began pulling on my dick like she was trying to start a lawnmower!" Angered beyond belief, he began cussing her with the only Vietnamese word he could think of at that moment. something equivalent to 'fish' I believe! He called her a fish and demanded his money back! His stories go on and on. He's now deeply enmeshed in planning another trip and is quick to forget the bad moments. Who knows what bizarre, wonderful or sensuous experiences await him as he goes trotting off again in search of other global kneads.




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