: February 2001:A Porno Odyssey
me to introduce myself to the fine Exotic mag
readership as new girl reporter Gina Velour, Jill-of-all-media-trades,
coming at you in the month of love! I started the year
zero-one in sunny Las Vegas at Internext--the adult
entertainment internet convention. Usually called CES,
the Consumer Electronics Show is also the Adult Expo,
(during which the AVN adult video awards are given).
During CES, porn stars scrawl on glossies and perch
behemoth mammaries atop sweaty fans' shoulders primed
by workshops like "Palm Gadgets: Your Future Wife?"
Porn and technology have a symbiotic relationship: The
host needs the parasite and vice versa. Much confusion
ensued at CES this year, since it is no longer involved
with the adult expo--meaning the CES badgeholders who
registered free last year couldn't get into the Adult
Expo. The ever-present tech geeks at CES are the same
sweaty fans who buy all the porn. So why make it harder
for them to support an industry that pumps up the sales
of consumer-based technology?
At Internext, adult website content
providers and tech companies hawk their wares, "barely
18" web-stars pose and skintrepeneurs such as myself
take notes on the ways of the new domain. For five
days I filled a suitcase with free porno-themed loot:
calendars, magazines, and promo T-shirts, like, "It's
all about blowjobs" and "I Heart Porn." The lube samples
were harder to come by until I discovered the booth
for Outster.com, a gay site that gave out bottles
of Astroglide. I can say that the palette of web talent
was of a bleached-blonde, skinny, B-side variety.
I found Portland's webster Stryder of Skane Media/
www.chickshack.com by following his infectious laugh
to the booth. Happy Birthday, Stryder!
There's nothing like
lithe stripper boys clad in banana slings,
free drinks, and SAUSAGES!
ARIA GIOVANNI! ARIA GIOVANNI! ARIA
GIOVANNI! Those two words summed up the hottest sight
on the floor. Running into Andrew Blake's latest contract
girl stole away my last year's CES flame--meeting
Lexington Steele. Aria is a sophisticated, natural-breasted,
young brunette much like the star in Radley Metzger's
early 70's film Camille 2000. Did I say real
breasts? Real hips, too! Naturally, I had to meet
Aria--Penthouse Pet of September '00! She's a sweet,
quiet, sexy girl with a yummy personality. Look for
her in Blake's new release Aria and at her
personal site, aria-giovanni.com.
An Internext highlight was meeting
William Margold--porn star, producer and activist
of 30 years. He was holding court at the Free Speech
Coalition booth with porn stars Christie Lake and
Anita Cannibal; I slipped a donation for the poster
and introduced myself. Almost instantly, he spouted,
"I am smitten, renaissance woman!" Our chat quickly
gave way to a shared obsessive fandom of the original
Star Trek series. William noticed that my nipples
hardened through my dress when he mentioned that he
knew Leonard Nimoy. "Geez, you really do have a thing
for him!" Margold observed. Yessirree! The Free Speech
Coalition is dedicated to preserving our constitutional
right to free speech; pornography, of course, comes
under that umbrella. So keep an eye on our new administration!
Margold is also involved with PAW--Protecting Adult
Welfare, an agency aiding the well-being of talent
after adult industry life. He also heads FOXE--Fans
Of X-rated Entertainment. As Margold puts it, "preserving
the X letter of the alphabet...without fans, there
is no porn."
Convention nightlife means free parties,
not worth attending without VIP passes. To avoid mucking
about with fans in bad nightclubs, one must scam doormen
and charm porn stars in order to gain access to the
presidential suites in hotels. Our band of porn gypsies
breezed into the most exclusive parties on the Manolo
Blahnik heels of porn queen Brittany Andrews. Imagine
a Pucci-wearing, platinum-blonde, XXX-style Fran Drescher
with a wickedly balanced sense of Diva humor and you've
got Brittany. Check out her site, www.brittanyandrews.com.
In her flick, World's Biggest Footjob Gangbang,
she wore glass slippers filled with Creme de la Man!
Director Chi Chi La Rue's boys wowed us with a gay-boy
soiree. Lounging over beds in a lavish suite were
the finest gay porn studs: There's nothing like lithe
stripper boys clad in banana slings, free drinks,
and SAUSAGES! I, however, do NOT eat sausage--it's
carcass in a casing. But around all that manmeat,
I got sooo hungry, I had to dine! I slunk over to
the chef, who seemed non-plused about the ironic menu
and asked him to gimme somethin' in a bun! My boy
pal scored a three-way with hot talent and my gal
pal got to "fluff" the heavily accented cowboy stripper
Twas nearing the end of the convention
and still no sight of Rocco Siffredi--Italian stallion
actor director to die for. Boo-hoo! I was prepared
to let him spank my ass: one cheek for me and the
other for my Rocco-lovin' best friend, Miss Lickins.
Rocco, you turn me into a rutting slut in 5 onscreen
seconds. I will name all of my friend's pets after
you, because you are so nasty!
Over and out of batteries!
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