wasn't planning on going to Mardi Gras, but a couple
I know had all their reservations and tickets paid for
months ahead of time and as luck would have it, he wound
up not being able to go. He gave her the tickets and
encouraged her to find someone else to go with.
Owing to numerous writing deadlines,
I almost said no to her offer of a 'free' four-day party
in New Orleans. But one good thing about freelancing
and owning a laptop is that you can take your job with
Mardi Gras started as soon as we disembarked
in New Orleans. People (mostly drag queens) with outrageous
costumes were already parading through the halls of
the airport! Near the French Quarter it was chaos and
our cab took
more than 45 minutes to go a distance we could have
probably walked--for free--in 30.
Oh, well. They say Mardi Gras means
'Fat Tuesday' but I think it means 'Anything Goes.'
Public nudity, drunkenness and, unfortunately, even
drug use were rampant. The streets were packed! It wasn't
uncommon to see men and women strutting around wearing
nothing more than a minuscule G-string and a few strategically
placed seashells, which hid absolutely nothing. They
may as well have been naked...but that's illegal. Anybody
who was wearing really risqué costumes got groped
and fondled constantly--and that's obviously what they
wanted! At Mardi Gras, groping isn't all you can get
on the streets. I was amazed at how many used condoms
(most of them green) I saw on the sidewalks. We witnessed
penetration of both males and females by fingers, dildos
and other handy body parts...all right there on the
street or in dimly lit nightclubs.
blonde with huge tits came
towards us wearing nothing but three
chocolate chip cookies attached with
Mostly we laughed...constantly! Especially
when an attractive blonde with huge tits came towards
us wearing nothing but three chocolate chip cookies
attached with dental floss! Two of the cookies were
(almost) covering her nipples; the third was down below.
I asked if they were real. She laughed and said, "What,
the cookies or the tits? The tits are real, honey and
the cookies are fake--if the cookies were real they'd
have been eaten a long time ago!"
From what we saw, it seemed the cops
were willing to overlook a lot of lawlessness and were
only making arrests when the situation looked like it
might become dangerous. Stay relatively sober and respectful
and you can have some pretty bizarre (and very public)
sexual encounters at Mardi Gras. Be quick about it,
too; plan on finishing up in a couple of minutes before
the cops have time to show up.
One other important thing: During the
day and until about midnight, young kids are at Mardi
Gras, too. So if you're looking to expose yourself or
get it on in public, don't do it in front of the little
ones. Usually after midnight (when the partying really
starts) all the kids are gone, anyway.
If you like crowds that teeter on the
verge of a sexual stampede after the sun goes down,
Mardi Gras should be your next destination. The colors
to wear are green, gold, and purple. Buy your tickets
at Ticket Master in January; book hotel accommodations
even earlier. There are no direct flights into New Orleans
from Portland, but connections weren't problematic.