: May 2001:NYC Strip
runnin' around Giulianiville for almost a month now, and
let me tell you, it is sexy as hell. Tons of beautiful
strangers trapped together on sidewalks and subways every
day. Often times you make eye contact with one of 'em
from across the train, get into a supercharged staredown,
then watch him get off at Bowling Green or Delancey Street,
never to be seen again. Which is why everyone's so much
more bold here. If some chick tells you to fuck off, ain't
no thang, cuz you'll never ever see her again. I've been
approached several times now after a subway ride, and
it's been good for at least one free dinner every time.
Which, considering my current destitute circumstances,
completely rocks. Plus the boys here are so totally fine...
There are 1001 sexy things to do every
day, like walking past a basketball court, or people-watching
from a bar as the girls mince by in their crazy stiletto
boots, or listening to four, striking six-feet tall women
coo over some boy's fluffy little Shih-Tzu in a sweater.
There are unsexy things to do to, like
go to Times Square, that hideous altar where our nation's
soul is sacrificed daily, or to a Manhattan titty bar.
Well, it's not THAT bad, but I have been sticking my head
into the strip clubs, for employment and enjoyment, and
what the mayor hath wrought ain't pretty (for starters,
world-famous Billy's Topless in Chelsea will soon be a
For those of you who don't know me, let
me forewarn you that I have peculiar taste in titty bars.
I like a joint to be sexy and human, and not like a tit-factory.
I prefer that there be alcohol and ashtrays available,
as opposed to $10 soda pops. I like the girls to laugh
and be themselves and not Russian ice queens who storm
about soliciting efficient lap dances in Stalinesque sign
language...That said, here are some places in the city-of-dreams
where you can still see an all(most)-nude girl AND have
a cocktail. (Giuliani forbids you from seeing pussy or
even a single stray pubic hair while you have a drink.
All the following are topless+g-string UNLESS noted.)
In awesome-to-yukky order...
The Blue Angel * 24 Bond St. * 646-638-0120
If you're a fan of that movie or the film
Cabaret, you'll love the Blue Angel. It's THE ONLY
place you can see some pink and sip some wine or whatever
(provided you bring your own). The Blue Angel is cabaret
performed in a legitimate theater near SoHo. Twelve-plus
girls show you their heart and soul and more for only
$25 cover (tips appreciated). FABulous German hostess
Uta sets the tone with her voluptuous body, red hair and
bizarre commentary in thickly accented Deutsch. She'll
introduce you to Natasha, the ONLY female sword-swallower
in the world; Ammo, the naughty nun; Velocity, who does
a riot-grrrl Marilyn redux to her own band's music; Bonnie,
the drunken Ann-Margret chanteuse; Ula, an amazingly sexy
trapeze artist and contortionist; and super-hotties Dillon
and Asa, who do more conventional strip-tease routines
with anything-but-conventional beauty. The cast of performers
changes frequently, but one of my favorites has been around
forever. Nadia is a magician from Russia who is not afraid
to play with fire. Last weekend she accidentally set the
stage aflame! At a certain point in her show, her cape
vanishes to reveal a very curvy body in a sequined corset.
She has a very Russian blonde bob, long false eyelashes
and very shapely legs. She is 72...Seriously. And, oh
yeah, I'm there, too.
"FABulous German hostess
Uta sets the tone with her voluptuous body, red
hair and bizarre commentary in thickly accented
The Fabulous Viva Las Vegas! (Friday and
Saturday nights only.) It's a long way from
Baby Doll * 34 White St. @ Church
This joint is nuthin' like the Louis Malle
movie. Many people describe it as
"ghetto." When I went to check it out, the nice Sicilian
management told me I'd do well there, as they hadn't had
a Caucasian girl in years. What actually sold me was that
there's only one stage and one girl at a time; you can
spin your own music and there's plenty of tequila, etc.,
all of which greatly facilitate preachin' the gospel,
if that's what ya gotta do. I worked on a Tuesday night
with Beautiful, Li'l Bit, Chi Chi and a dancer named Wednesday.
The place was dead, but the girls and management were
so friendly, that more than made up for it. Everyone shrunk
in horror when I played an entire New York Dolls set,
and then later, a Velvet Underground set; but the Wall
Street White Guys sure seemed to appreciate it. In short,
this place is a dive. I love it.
Pussycat Lounge * 96 Greeley @ Rector
Deep in the heart of Wall Street. Ya didn't
know it had a heart? It does: the Pussycat. This place
is set up like a diner, but drinks and sushi are served
instead of frappes and sodas. It's smoky and divey as
hell, and I, of course, appreciate that. The girls are
quirky and sexy and parade around topless on a catwalk
that is just behind the bartender. They seem happy to
stop and chat with the businessmen--probably giving the
dancers stock tips.
New York Dolls * 59 Murray St. *
Another Wall Street joint for those three-martini
and two-lap-dance lunches. Lotsa girls, lotsa smoke, lotsa
crap music. They say you do a song onstage, then three
off, but how do ya tell when the song is over?? When the
homegirl next to you starts unceremoniously retying her
barely-bra thingy, that's when. It's too well-lit and
cramped for the lap dances to be very erotic. HOWEVER:
The stock indexes scroll by on a giant LED screen behind
the squirming babes. Excellent. The band (of the same
name) is better.
Flashdancers * 53rd & Broadway
Scores (tie) * 333 E. 60th St. *
The land of the lap dances. I HATE these
places. These are the aforementioned tit factories. Totally
heartless, totally soulless. High cover charges, "pretty"
and "enhanced" girls, crap music. If you're getting a
lap dance, chances are you're rubbing thighs with the
dude next to you who's also enjoying staring at the backside
of that bleached-blonde Russian. It's cramped in Lapland!
I did get turned on by this Russian girl who was storming
around soliciting the above...I stopped her for two seconds
to ask her where she got her hot coiffure, and her icy
façade melted into giggles as she stuttered that
she didn't know how to say it, but he was in Brooklyn.
The bottom line, Pornland, is that you
are LUCKY. You've got the best titty bars in the world...and
they're right off the bus mall! You can drink, smoke,
see some gal's pussy AND get a whiff of her personality
for NO cover and a reasonably priced drink! God, I miss
it. But there's a fight to be fought here, ya know? If
I could have five or ten of Portland's best and brightest,
I'd revolutionize this town. Especially with Giuliani
on the outs. There's your invitation, girls. Come out,
come out. We'll take over the Baby Doll, and then the
(Checks and money orders can be sent to
Viva c/o Exotic Magazine, marked "URGENT.")
2000 X Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. copyright | trademark | legal notices