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xmag.com : November 2001 : Darklady


"Do you ever feel discouraged about where you're going with things or is that part of the Dark Haired Bohemian Chick thing? I can't imagine it is. I'm not that unique."
"Oh, yes you are, but not in that way. Remember, the whole country is feeling dispirited right now, and those of us who write about goodness and hotness might seem a little out of fashion for a minute. (www.lilyburana.com) Lil's book launch was pretty much hijacked along with those planes, since her publisher is in NYC and since she isn't analyzing Osama bin Laden, just guys who like to watch naked girls. That seems so quaint. The life-goes-on thing will reemerge, in our readers and editors as well as in us."
--Carol Queen (www.carolqueen.com)
The wreckage of the World Trade Center is still smoldering. There's anthrax up and down the East Coast. The various anti-terrorism bills use the legislative equivalent of a gill net to capture the Bad Guys. And Iraqi women are miscarrying grossly deformed uranium-poisoned fetuses. These things tend to make that box of video porn waiting to be reviewed seem mighty inconsequential.
But, as Carol so wisely points out, "the life-goes-on thing will reemerge." Must reemerge.
Before I began my cross-country rental car odyssey out of New York City, I was like a child spellbound by the television. Only, instead of cartoons or sitcoms, it was CNN or NY1 that I couldn't take my eyes off. Buildings falling. People falling. Airplanes falling. Everything was falling down--and I needed
to get out from underfoot of the people who could help, and back to my own people. Back to where, if anything else fell down, I could help.
The day after I arrived home via a nearly empty jet from Des Moines, Iowa,
I hosted the monthly poly discussion group. Thrilled to be home, but not quite sure I was up to facilitating a rollicking discussion of responsible non-monogamy, I was relieved to find that even 3000 miles away from the huge cloud that it had taken me a day to realize wasn't made by nature, people wanted to talk about what had happened, was happening, might happen. We even managed to tie it all in to the discussion group's unifying element: polyamory.
It's rediscovering unifying elements that will reawaken the life-goes-on thing.
And that's one of the reasons to open that box of video porn waiting to be reviewed. Because, regardless of what people who hate bold sexuality claim, it's really about bringing people together. Sex is about as close as two individuals can get with one another and still be two individuals. And we are all of us sexual beings, even if our closest intimate friend is our self.
Even the men who caused the sky to fall on September 11th were sexual beings. And that, to be honest, is another reason for me to open that box of video porn waiting to be reviewed: Whether as an act of defiance against a mind-set that would cover women from head to toe, beat and starve them, and train their children to hate enough to kill, or as an act of sex-positivism, helping educate and encourage healthy and enjoyable ways to express and explore sexuality, I don't know. Perhaps both.
Ultimately, the goal is to remember that the life-goes-on thing is important. And part of that is the sex thing, because it unifies and comforts us. When we are sexual with ourselves or with another person, we are aware that life goes on not just within ourselves, but within others as well. So perhaps in our own ways, sex writers and sex workers contribute to a more peaceful society. If that's so, it's my patriotic, as well as my moral duty, to open that box of video porn waiting to be reviewed. I must answer my nation's call.


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