I’ve known The Gentry frontman and head-dude-
in-charge, Gino Mari, for the better
part of two decades, as both a homie and
the guy who gave me next-to-nothing
prices at Guitar Center back in the day. Our
mutual friend, Marcus Warner, bumped
into me at a club sometime last year, telling
me that he had joined Gino’s band, The
Gentry. I promised them a write-up in Exotic,
because that’s what friends do.
Eleven months later, I finally got around to
listening to their stuff...
Before you read this piece, I suppose
you should watch the video for "Fat
Stripper," performed by Trafek and featuring
Andy $tack. I’m sure the editor
will link the video somewhere on the
site, because in his own words, it is on
his playlist.
Besides getting some context for this
piece, I inquire you to look at the video on YouTube (click here) for the top two comments
that defy the otherwise clean
and intelligent discussion, which usually
occurs in the comments section
on anything on the internet. I’m not
sure what they are now, but as of mid-
June, the only two comments were
"Millennials are cancer" and "this is art."...
Look, I’m sure you think you’re the
most educated and beautiful audiophile
on this planet. You may have
a meticulously cultivated music collection—
probably on vinyl. You’ve
seen So-And-So back in 19-Something-
Something (before they were
famous) and you know better than
everyone in the room. You feel you
know what music sucks, what music
is absolutely un-listenable and you
believe your particular generation invented
good music. I mean, do you
even truly understand music, if you
haven’t mansplained it to some poor
girl you got to come home with you,
to hang out on your mattress on the
floor, fitted with the sheet you haven’t
washed in six months? [Ed: I take personal
offense to this statement.] Kids
these days, am I right? I assure you,
this isn’t true. The person sitting next
to you believes they know best, as
well. Be it a DJ, a bartender, restaurant
or at a friend’s house...DON’T
ASK TO CHANGE THE MUSIC. Don’t. If
you feel the urge to do this, you are a
douchebag...
Some of the best live music money
can buy is performed at outdoor
summer music festivals. You can often
pay just a few bucks to be part of
a truly singular experience. The sun
is shining, the microbrew is flowing
and your third-favorite band is
opening for those other guys you
actually hate—but, the admission
is so cheap, it’s worth it regardless
(or, so it seems)...
People are always complaining about
the future and how it’s not what it’s
cracked up to be. "Where’s my flying
car?" people are often heard to exclaim,
as though anyone under 70 was
promised a flying car (and not an Orwellian,
cyberpunk dystopia). The future,
however, is indeed upon us. And,
while yes, only the very rich are doing
things like taking trips to space for
fun, many decidedly ordinary things
in the lives of even the least of us have
been improved through new technology
or trends. "Well, fuck you, that’s
bullshit," you might say. But, I say "no."
In fact, here’s a list of some common
things that weren’t here, even a few
short years ago...
I’m sorry that your night was ruined. I’m
sorry you just found out your mom died,
your girlfriend just left you for your best
friend, someone slashed your tires, you
just ran out of food stamps and your
credit card got maxed out. Sorry you
can’t make rent this month, because your
friend twisted your arm to do another
coke binge this weekend. I’m sorry you’re
liver is giving out and you’re gaining
weight from compulsive drinking. Most
importantly, I’m sorry you had to show
up to work today. As sorry as I am for all
of these things, I really would appreciate
it, if you didn’t take out all these terrible
misfortunes out on me and my band. Because,
none of the tragedies listed above
are in any way related to us...
Everyone who smokes weed listens to at
least two of three types of music: hip hop,
reggae and classic rock. It doesn’t matter
who you are—if you’ve smoked weed for
more than ten years, you know who Snoop
Dogg, Bob Marley and Led Zeppelin are. Beyond
this, you owned a copy of Sublime’s 40
Ounces To Freedom, because it incorporates
all of these genres. Something about pot rewires
your brain to appreciate mediocre music.
Yes, I said it—Snoop, Bob and Zepp are
exactly okay. They all rely on better, more
unknown artists to draw upon for their style
and sound, they all have exactly one good album
and anyone who defends them is high
as fuck. So, what do I, the clearly-a-music-expert
have to suggest? Thanks for asking.
Here are a few genres of music that every pot
smoker should consider switching to, instead
of just doing a search for "dubstep island rap"
and letting the Pandora station in your dispensary
drive out more potential customers...
I am Putu Nusantara and I wipe the Emperor’s
ass. Not everyone in my country has a
position like mine. Many have menial jobs.
I’m the first to admit, I’m one of the lucky
ones!
My country is a small archipelago in the
East Indies. Our ancestors lived peaceful,
quiet lives hunting, farming and fishing for
most of our history, until 1907, when the
Emperor’s ancestors were digging an irrigation
well and struck platinum. Back then,
we were a society without any property
rights—we lived communally and shared
all that our beautiful islands had to offer...
There are very few people who get an all-access
pass to the strip club dressing room—
pizza delivery guys, "boyfriend with the keys"
and even taxi drivers are required to wait
outside, when providing services to dancers.
However, there is one person that is able
to skirt all barriers to entry, when it comes
to the off-limits areas of strip clubs. And, for
some reason, this person is able to profit off
of the dancers (as opposed to, ya know, helping
them pay their rent). Who is this magical
beast? What did she do, to deserve such
amazingly special treatment? Ladies, gents
and non-binaries, I am here to tell you the
saga of...
Sex and music have gone hand-in-hand
since the beginning of time.
Almost everyone has a few favorite
playlists we like to dance and copulate
to. But, research also shows,
that music stimulates the same part
of our brain as sex, drugs and food...
