Page 35 - Exotic | May 2025

viving, with homes made of twigs and cigarette butts. Let’s make carrier pigeons a thing again. There is a hashtag there, somewhere...
No Money for Wi-Fi – I gotcha again! In Portland and Seattle, and I’m sure some major towns and cities in between, there are free Wi-Fi areas that actively advertise this as a service they’re proud to provide. You can look these up online (if you’re already in an area with Wi-Fi at that time, like a Fred Meyer or Slaveway). You can also just not use the internet. I mean, what can the internet give you that your own ingenu- ity can’t already handle? Hungry? Don’t know what to eat? Go drive somewhere. Literally everywhere has a restaurant. There is a restaurant on almost any corner of every major city. You do not need GrubChub. Trying to look up facts about a topic you swear you know more about to a friend? Obviously, you don’t if you have to use your phone or com- puter to look it up. At that point, think about what you’re doing and whether it’s worth even knowing. It’s called practicing mindfulness. You will never, ever need to know “how many grains of salt are on a typical beach?” Never. If, for some reason, you do still need to know this fact, go to the damn library. They need your patronage. Libraries are so underrated...
Side note...libraries can provide you with almost any re- source you need for anything ever. Social anxiety and need to make an appointment? The librarian can legally do this for you. Need to know some areas with free Wi-Fi, other than the library you’re standing in? The library can give you this. Need to use a computer to look up facts about sand on beaches? They got the ‘net! They even have books! Such an underrated, underutilized source of a literal wealth of knowledge makes me want to tell anyone who asks me a question to just, “Go ask the librarian, bitch.” The librarian knows all or is mostly all-knowing.
I guess that’s everything I wanted to share with you guys. Really, I just wanted to talk about how useful the library is, but I felt that an entire article on that might require me to either create some sort of sexy story to go along with the facts I provide...or a different reading audience altogether. I know where our magazines are viewed/read, and that’s who I write for. You (*insert genuine smiley face here*).
Hannah One Cup can be found reading a book at the library before having to return to the eggless reality she lives in, bast- ing chicken with mayonnaise when she feels like deep frying something. Send her a carrier pigeon sometime. She’d totally love that.
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