I'm collating a list of the worst things anyone could care to imbibe and, if possible, why they visited these beverages upon the public. The sad truth is that most of the time, you have to pay for the privilege of being given an awful swig of disgust, but I suppose that if you can get away with it, then why not? Now, cocktails are a storied tradition of getting people hammered without them barking at the sharp bite of straight liquor, and there are many fine and delightful beverages one can consume that both satisfy and intoxicate. We are not exploring those. For every weird but wonderful drink, as a French 75 (a mixture of cane syrup, gin, lemon juice, and champagne), there are some utterly foul things that people have designed and consumed. Let's take a look...

As human beings, we feel it's our birthright to be given a proper death, or at least one that didn't catch us off guard. Say, for instance, being hit by an oncoming bus or colon cancer. Both were completely preventable, yet somehow they happened and now you are where you are today, roughly 6 feet deep in the ground, hanging out with worms and bugs and maybe Aunt Carol...

After recounting a few Los Angeles misadventures last month, it got me thinking more about that Godforsaken cesspool cosplaying as some sort of cultural hub. I promise you, I'm not delusional or jealous. I'm very aware of LA's stranglehold on the music industry to some truly alarming degrees. It's where the money is. It's where the studios are. It's where the record executives are. Rampant capitalism's invisible hand can be felt non-consensually caressing every market in America, including music. Due to horizontal integration, it's pretty much a race to the bottom of California...

Greetings, my fellow nudity enjoyers and cinephiles. After repeatedly sending my peer-reviewed and workshopped film reviews to everyone’s favorite local adult entertainment magazine, it appears the editor finally decided to give me a chance and put my words to print. While it’s still not clear why it took them so long to respond to my monthly queries, what is clear is the noticeable lack of film-centered content in this publication. I’m here to finally change that! It seemed appropriate to have a rather scary feature for the October edition, so strap in and grab some lube...