To call this a vacation without air quotes means that I don’t know what a real vacation is...which might actually be true, considering every time I try to take one of these things, it never ends up being nearly as relaxing as I had hoped and needed it to be, and I end up excited to go back to work. Is that capitalism doing its job on me correctly? Anyway, this vacation was special due to the fact that not only was my partner joining me, but my father as well, who had actually planned the whole thing initially.
Make note that my father's mind is spry, but his body was not always willing. Make another note that my partner is constantly acting as if they are a hamster needing to be on the go as fast as their legs allow. And then, put me somewhere in the in-between, always asking, "Are you okay?" or "Do you need to sit?" or stating, "We should find a beer...or wine—I don't care," or having a panic attack. And that pretty much sums up how it went. Anyway, here are some helpful tidbits on the many places I had visited with these two...gentlemen. From Iceland to Sicily, here we go...
*Pregame tip: Start and end the night prior at your favorite watering hole. This takes away any anxiety you have about the trip and flying. My father was cured of his ailments by meeting a good amount of my favorite people at Joe's. A couple of them whispered to me, "I think your dad is my spirit animal." To that, I say good for you. My father is an interesting fellow, and top that with the 1950s authentic German Oktoberfest hat he had on with the Billy Goat beard attached to it, and I'd say that's a pretty unique spirit animal.
Iceland is cold. If you land here and plan on going outside of the airport, bring a large coat. Maybe some shoes that add a few inches to your height as well. All the people here are at least 6'3" (that includes the ladies). Things are also expensive here, but if you get a chance, go to the world's largest phallic exhibit for roughly 5 USD (I do not care to convert this to ISK...their local currency). I went, and I was not disappointed.
Make sure your luggage is as flamboyant and labeled as it gets. This airport is notorious for losing luggage, and no one there seems to know what their job is. Be aware that this is where punk music also came from. Since their garbage people were on strike and garbage was everywhere, this, along with rats, was the London I came to. If I never go back, it will be too soon. Their English muffins are pretty damn good, though, of course. Eggbreak is a good breakfast place; just know that everything in London is taxed heavily. Prepare for the meal to be about 30% more than what it's priced at. Look at London Bridge, then look down at the River Thames and note it's still dirty. But people have party cruises on it anyway.
If you didn't purchase a Euro-pass, like we did not, getting out of London is a bit of a huge, expensive headache. Especially if you planned on just "hopping on the train." Yeah, no. Not unless you plan on spending 300 USD a person just to leave London. Instead, see if you can travel by plane to some island outside of Spain and then fly from there back into Europe. That's what we did, and we stayed on a small island called Menorca for one day. It was beautiful and meant for British tourists. They even had a restaurant with fried fish and pea mash to make them feel at home. The island was also filled with wild cats. Traveling this way cost us roughly $150 a person for the flight, hotel, and rental car we got for the day since the island was tiny, but things were not within walking distance.
If you go here during September for the Oktoberfest, I commend you. Make sure you have accommodations set...otherwise, you are pretty screwed as to what you're going to be paying or where you will be staying. Oktoberfest is a huge party. But unlike in America, where you have 38 types of beer to choose from, you are simply served a beer. It is some sort of German pilsner in the most giant stein I've ever held. It's not potent and tastes like any other pilsner (my partner would scoff at me for saying this). I wasn't really into Germany so much, as I was here to allow my father to attempt to relive his glory days.
You'll probably be taking a train or two or three. Since the "fast train" doesn't exist in Italy and they have their own train system, you should probably talk to a real, living person to help you get from point A to point B. Don't try to be a hero—you'll screw it all up.
You will be taking many trains on this trip and spend hours and hours either sleeping or staring out the window at the scenery when it isn’t dark. It’s gorgeous. You’ll also be dealing with trains being late, and causing you to be late to your next train. Just prepare for this and always have a plan B.
Prepare for a lot of larger people coming in on buses to see the crispy people, turn around, and leave. Pompeii was really something to look at, but the amount of tour groups there was astounding. Some try to stop you from going further until they are done with what they’re saying to the group. I said..., "bullshit,” and just kept going.
Stay on the mainland. Northern and central Italy are gorgeous and filled with wonderful food and people. People who will feed you if you are hungry and ask for information on places to eat. They’ll just feed you there. No questions asked. You have Rome to visit the Colosseum, Florence to visit the Statue of David, and more. There is so much history and beauty to be experienced. Unfortunately, we only got to see glimpses...because, instead, my father wanted to relive his favorite place in the world (45 years ago...).
Stay away from here. Unless you have family or friends who have verified places they live, you will be out of luck finding a hotel. Instead, there are things called "B&Bs," which 9/10 are simply squatters' dens filled with millipedes or no electricity. The food is okay, but keep in mind that they also eat horses. I did not eat any meat here, to say the least. This was also where we realized I wasn’t smiling in my photos or forgot how to.
You get to take an expensive boat ride from the other side of the island, two hours away in Palermo, to Florence. It's a 10-hour ferry. Either that, or you go back up, take the short ferry, and retrace your steps back up the way you came, through Italy on the train.
Our end point was Brussels. Brussels is the European capital. I don't know why. Everyone speaks French and a little bit of Flemish. The gothic cathedrals and night market were wonderful. The people were friendly, and we made friends with a Greek bartender at the bar just across from our hotel, who said if I ever wanted to go to Greece, she had a home there.
At the end of it all, I can at least say we were able to do something that many can't say the same. But I definitely would have just stayed in one spot and stayed the hell away from Catania. Maybe I'll hit up my new international bartender friend and see Greece next year. I'll tell you all about the underbelly I thrive in there next time around.
