Museums are collections for the curious. We've all been to a few in our lives, at least, I hope so. If not, you're missing out. From the dry, stuffy kind like the British Museum to the somewhat wacky nature of the Museum of Modern Art, these spaces are full of objects and exhibits that fascinate and educate. They inspire the human desire to explore and discover, as the word "museum" has origins in antiquity. In its Greek form, mouseion, it meant "seat of the Muses," and Muses, of course, were inspirational goddesses of the arts, sciences, and literature. But the Muses are fickle, like all those Greek gods and goddesses, and can steer you toward inspiration in some very strange ways. I've found some museums that have very odd subject matter as their point of focus. Let's see what they are!
Listed in no particular order.
Leave it to the weirdoes in Iceland to make an entire museum dedicated to the appreciation of penises. That is precisely what this place is: they boast of having hundreds of specimens of preserved dicks from various dick-having creatures the world over. Founded in 1997 by historian and teacher Sigurdur Hjartarson (say that three times fast), the museum has become a popular attraction in downtown Reykjavik. Interestingly enough, their website claims that it is a "family-friendly" space. Okay. "Hey, kids! Wanna go to the cock museum?" "Can we, Dad?!” The museum also has a signature bistro called "The Phallus Cafe," which has "penis waffles," but their website does not elaborate on this. Though, being the diligent journalist I am, I did manage to find a photo of them. Additionally, their gift shop boasts "hundreds of penis-themed wares." Truly a memorable experience.
This one is in Zagreb, Croatia. It is a collection of stories and objects referencing love lost or relationships gone sour. Most of the items have stories describing their significance to the fractured partnership and range from rings and small keepsakes to even household appliances. "I kept the toaster after he left." Some of the more interesting items are love letters, single shoes, and belly button lint. "His stomach had a particular arrangement of body hair that made his belly button prone to collecting lint. Occasionally, he'd extract a piece and stick it to my body, which was sweaty after sex." (She apparently kept some and donated it to the museum.) Anyone can donate an item and story or even send photos for their "virtual collection." It's essentially a museum dedicated to souvenirs of the misery inflicted upon our hearts.
I’m not sure why most of these are at least tangentially sex-related, but this is Exotic magazine, so I don't figure you readers will mind all that much. The Amsterdam Sex Museum is quite the sight. They have sex exhibits (sexhibits) featuring erotic statues, paintings, and items from as far back as ancient Rome, all the way to modern art, which all relate to getting it on. They claim that their exhibits display the hidden side of history, which more stodgy institutions refuse to show. The museum is in this very lavish 17th-century structure in downtown Amsterdam, one your author has actually been to, so I'll testify it's worth your handful of Euros, should you be in the heart of the Netherlands. Plus, if I recall correctly, they sell beer there, too.
This one's in the good ol' US of A. Located inside a brewing company in Boston, Massachusetts, the Museum of Bad Art has a tagline: "Art that is too bad to ignore." Indeed, that's what they display there. Art by people who have talent, but it's likely not in the field of making art. As they are a brewing company, they definitely sell beer there. You'll likely need one, as they have strict criteria for what defines "bad" and supposedly only pick the absolute worst. If you are also a bad artist or know someone who is, you may make a donation, and they just might put it up for all to view.
This one existed in the humble town of Plano, Texas. It features a series of dead cockroaches wearing various outfits, then placed in various tableaus. Scenes with roaches in a parody of various celebrities (such as "David Letteroach" and "Liberoachi") adorned the space, which stood inside, somewhat fittingly, a DIY pest control shop. Sadly, it is no longer operating as a museum, though the owner is apparently trying to get it back up and going, so there's hope for the world yet.
This one is located in a small village in Turkey and, furthermore, is located in a rather gloomy cave. Yes, a cave. It features locks of hair donated by thousands of random ladies. The story goes that the place, initially the simple workshop of a local potter, was consecrated with its first lock of hair by a great friend of his who had to leave and go far away. He'd asked her for something by which to remember her, and she gave him a lock of her hair, which he hung in the cave below the shop, wherein he stored his finished pottery. Apparently, this became a trend among his visitors, and now the cave is host to thousands and thousands of locks of ladies' hair, each with a small note saying the name of their former owners. Whether or not it sounds like a destination worth the travel, there's nowhere else on Earth you can see a cave that is quite literally covered in hair, except perhaps Tom Selleck's bathroom.
A French museum dedicated to the history of vampires. Not necessarily in cinema, but documenting the mysterious, bloodsucking undead and their impact on culture throughout the years. They actually have autographs from everyone who has ever played Dracula, including Bram Stoker himself. Of course, Stoker never portrayed his creation, but he wrote the fucking thing, so that definitely counts. There's vampire paraphernalia everywhere: posters, scripts, statues, and all sorts of interesting things. Having reopened in 2022 after a decade-long hiatus, this is your destination if you are a bored French person or international goth of mystery.
If you're booking a getaway at home or abroad, consider visiting a location where you could take in one of these bizarre facilities.
Safe travels,
-Wombstretcha
Wombstretcha the Magnificent is a roach reanimator, movie vampire, bad artist, writer, and retired rapper from Portland, OR. He can be found at his website, wombstretcha.com, on Twitter as @wombstretcha503, and on MeWe.com (yay!) and Facebook.com (boo!), as "Wombstretcha the Magnificent."
