Last month's rule (“get in where you fit in”) might have come off a bit abrasive, but that's what gets clicks and eyeballs. In summary, it simply means your customers get to decide what they find attractive (and thus, which entertainers are worthy of tips and attention). As much as this suggests “tough rocks if you're not hot according to some drunk dude with money,” this month, it's time to flip the script—just like your customers, you, the stripper, also get to determine who is and isn't worth your time...

I have been realizing, more as of late, that there are many things I had previously thought of as enjoyable, laughable, believable, a good time, and tiring in a good way, that I now regard as…I suppose the best way of putting it is how I talk to myself about it in my head: “Well, this is a thing.” The “thing” being whatever took place that I was a part of at that time, and the “well” being my nonverbal explanation of how I felt about it. It’s a bit saddening that I’ll never believe in Santa again, or that my dad really did write all the songs to Pink Floyd’s albums (my dad wasn’t even old enough for that). It also leaves me with a bit of longing for the times when I thought pretending I had huge boobs with blown-up balloons and hanging upside down on the monkey bars was a good time...

It is festival season, and young (depending on who you ask), aspiring, hopeful artists are chomping at the bit to get into the heavy hitters in March—specifically, SXSW in Austin, TX, and Treefort in Boise, ID.

The lineups for both of these have been finalized, and I’m happy to say I know a few folks who get into both of these festivals! Deservedly so, I might add.

Naturally, I was curious about what the process was like once they got the long-coveted “yes” email. (Curious, not jealous. I promise. I’m not jealous, you are!) I was honestly disgusted to learn that the “yes” email is pretty much the last thing you hear from them...

Cats. Either you love them, or you do not. If you do not, apart from reasons of allergies, I do not trust you. But I wouldn't want to have a sneezing fit, either, if I were allergic.

Fortunately, I am not, and have had cats my entire life, or at least since I was four and had to be taught how to be gentle to the wee cat. She grew fast, and then she was the one to let me know if I was being rude to her, by voluminous slaps of claws to the face of young me. That's good teaching. Teachers in public schools should be given Freddy gloves and be allowed to do the same thing. But where did our relationships to these creatures develop, and how? Well, imagine a really bad David Attenborough voice as we run through the history of how we got here...