Inanimate Object Photos From My Phone
Do you ever notice yourself perusing your phone’s photos for no particular reason? And then you come around some images of objects and events you had completely forgotten existed or occurred, until that very moment when memory came back with a vengeance? Had you going “Oh, man...yeaaaah I forgot about that! Hehehe” or not “hehehe” but “awe shoot (sad face).” Well, I do. Quite frequently. My family is a hoarder of many popcorn barrels' worth of old family photos, and we still like to go through them once in a while, so reminiscing is just kind of a thing we do as a family, apparently.
As I was going through my phone’s photos, I realized that I take a lot of photos of inanimate objects. Cups, keyboards, buildings, toilets (lots of toilets), and bathroom mirrors (lots of bathroom mirrors), as examples. There are a lot of animate objects, of course, but an oddly large proportion of inanimate objects exist here. Before you all go thinking I’m some sort of serial killer with an eye for beauty in the obscure, let me actually share with you a handful of the photos and explain why they were taken. Give your opinion on what my current occupation (other than writing these articles for you, pretty people) really is after that.
A Cup o’ Joe
This is a photo I took early in the morning, while I was temporarily living at a friend’s house. I sent this photo to them, explaining that I had accidentally put cumin in my coffee instead of cinnamon, and then blamed them for the poor kitchen lighting. The coffee was actually not that bad. I’m not saying you should try it, but it wasn’t that bad...
Partially Peeled Orange
I believe this was one of the tiny oranges sent to me by my work for a Christmas present one year. The oranges weren’t great, and I really had a hard time peeling them. I already hate peeling oranges as it was, so instead, I just let it sit on my desk for a day and drew a scared face on it. I eventually ate it, but only after a lot of complaining.
Dating Intro
Apparently, I liked taking screenshots of intros sent to me from a dating website, back when I wasn't with my current partner. This was probably one of the most honest intros I’d received. I don’t remember responding. Again, I’m not great at response times, and have no idea how I keep friends, or how I was able to find a long-term partner who appreciates, or at least understands that.
Grape in a Cup
I was having a weird ADD moment one day, and ended up tossing all these loose grapes into my ice machine in the freezer. I remember closing the freezer door, throwing away the empty grape bag, and thinking I’d done something I was supposed to. The next day, I went to grab a glass of water and found a terrifying black object in my ice. It was a grape.
An Ugly Couch
I saved and spent 80 dollars on this couch, which I bought many years ago. It was massive, filled with springs, and slightly off-blue. I had to move this couch with a heroin dependent, co-dependent, unemployed dill hole, on a 100-degree day. While they’re going through this hugely exaggerated rant to the skies of how upset they are that they had to help me move a couch I bought us into the apartment, all I could think was that I should just leave the couch on the sidewalk for them to sleep on. But I didn’t want to feel like I wasted 80 dollars buying this POS an outdoor sleeping arrangement. So yeah. Ugly couch.
Snacks
More specifically, pears and eggs. I have a friend who never comes empty-handed in terms of snacks. Sometimes it might be a whole pie, sometimes it’s popcorn, bread, and an avocado that needs to be eaten yesterday, or sometimes it’s a bowl of pears and eggs. One thing's for certain, you’ll never go hungry when you’re around them.
Frozen Goods
Spinach Soufflé, anyone? Like, what the hell even is that? It looks like it’s exactly what it says it is. A brick of shredded spinach meant to be heated in the oven and served for your enjoyment. Whose enjoyment? Who eats this? Why do you do these sorts of things to yourself?
Okay, well, we’re gonna end there, since I’m sure that this article is already too big for its spine’s britches, what with all my descriptive photos from moments in time never to be replicated by anyone else. Thanks for going through a mini time warp with me, and looking through what appears to be important history to me, based on all these ridiculous photos (and some with duplicates at different angles—I didn’t mention that).
Hannah One Cup can be found looking through various old USB drives for more proof that her life happened the way she claims it did. Still looking to fill a lot of gaps, and much remains open to interpretation. Email her at hannahbird6@gmail.com or follow her on TikTok @thursdaynight_depression.
