One night, a date and I are in a nightclub when a woman with the pneumatic breasts of Jenna Jameson walks by. After spending a fraction of a second taking in the sight, my date jumps on my case. Oh, Ill bet you think shes cute, dont you? Well let me tell you something mister, those are not her real tits, they are fake. She bought those; those are fake tits! I didnt do the right thing; I didnt lie. Instead, I said, Really? Well give me a second before we go out on the dance floor, hon, I need to do some push-ups to get rid of this fake boner.
As I said, I handled things badly. I know now that when women are asking those kinds of questions, lying is not only the best policy, its the only policy. If a man is lying to impress or flatter a woman, then any and all lying is not only forgiven but absolutely demanded. But when a guy hands you an obvious line of horseshit, I say to one female friend, hoping youll fall for it and let him into your pants, doesnt that offend you?
Of course not! comes the reply. Its kind of sweet. You know hes telling you what you want to hear, but its important to know that hes aware of what you want to hear and is willing to do anything to please you.
If someone really cares about you, hell lie through his teeth to you.
The point, guys, is clearly not whether to lie, but rather when and how. Here are some helpful rules of thumb:
OK to tell the truth about:
Politics, religion, finances, personal health, family history, personal history (except dating-see below). Generally, any time there is data involved which does not directly apply to her, the truth is expected.
You absolutely MUST lie about:
a. Any question regarding her appearance (always favorable)
b. Others appearance: always unfavorable, unless the other is a close friend or sister of hers. You have the option of lying about how attractive one of these women is, providing theres no weird jealousy vibe or rivalry going on, or you think your girlfriend might interpret your comment as a statement that you think the friend is prettier, or...hell, play it safe and lie.
c. Your feelings as they relate to her. You find it adorable the way she looks like an otter in a coma when she wakes up in the morning. Her singing sends chills up and down your spine. You have never noticed the existence of other women since you started seeing her. In fact, youve got a private investigator out right now looking for your mother, as you havent caught a glimpse of her in ages. You get the picture.
d. Your past. As far as she knows, youve had several serious lasting relationships, but with women who werent fit to polish her shoes, women you now recognize as the misshapen idiots they really are. After one or two of these, you gave up and had no interest whatsoever in any woman until you met her.
You may think Im being a bit severe here guys, but remember these words well: no one ever got dumped because he spoke too highly of a woman to her face. Imitation isnt the most sincere form of flattery, disinformation is.