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So
what is it about shaking booty for cash and trying to keep
a personal relationship at the same time? On a good day,
there is nothing more affirming on the love angle than working
your sexual persona for customers. 'Specially if you're
in the business; a girl could break her arm swatting the
flies in a strip joint. It makes coming home so much more
valuable 'cause your personal lover knows you want
to be there and it ain't no show. It is so obvious to me
that the side of my brain that caters to customers has nothing
to do with the love side for a partner. Not surprisingly,
I've applied a few moves and sounds learned at the job site
to sparkle up true lovin'.
"If someone can't handle the fact I'm a sex working mama,
then they aren't in a relationship with me." Teresa Dulce,
angry female.
I want to find someone who I can really talk to, have great
sex with, take out in public, travel with, do nothing with,
and who gives my family and friends the benefit of the doubt
and loves me unconditionally even when I fuck up in a big
way every once in a while. And as if that weren't a tall
enough bill on its own, there must be no headaches
about me sex working.
I'm too busy bending over for dollars, dealing with neighbors
and fighting the Man to come home to an issue-riddled discussion
about my job. The person who lands in front of me who wants
a real relationship with me has to have that special
DNA micro-chip in the brain that was wired and installed
before I came to the scene. None of this jealousy crap.
None of this quit your job if you really love me. Sod off;
I quit my job when I'm ready to quit.
And
when I do think I've landed a personal honey, I give it
all up. All of me. 'Cause adult entertainers need love too.
It's an outright lie we aren't capable of love and sex without
financial compensation. We deserve high quality love and
sex a much as the next girl, and if sex work made me crazy,
then I just have to take that much more time to find my
match.
I don't wanna settle for less. It drives me nuts when I
work with a girl who gets abused by her personal lover because
I know there are so many people out there who would love
to love her without being an asshole. I got lucky;
mom and dad never hit each other and that has been my standard
since I was little. So if a partner doesn't abuse me, should
I consider myself lucky? I consider that a given. And if
a partner accepts what I do for a living, really accepts,
is that another bonus point?
Say I beat the incredible odds and find someone who doesn't
have issues with my sex work, do I hang on even if we aren't
compatible in other areas of a relationship? I ponder...my
friend has herpes and she's honest with her potential lovers
about it. So this one guy tells her it's nothing to him,
let the lovin' begin. It occurred to her she didn't want
this guy after all...but he didn't care about her STD and
he was into sexing her. Damn. What to do? Do you settle
for a B- and wait for that solid A? Am I an ungrateful bitch
and lose out from a little bit of kinda happiness because
my standards are (too) high? I do think that seemingly impossible
love is possible. Then again, I'm still young and want to
believe, so check in with me after my beauty fades and energy
declines. Even when my beauty does fade, I guess I'll have
to rely on my intelligence and personality. But I can be
a smart ass now. And though it sucks to admit it when I
can't attract a person, it sucks more to think that
they may not be giving themselves a chance to know
me. But I'm holding out. Today, I'm holding out.
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