Erotic City

It’s 2018. Can cars fly? Nah. Is cancer still a thing? Yup. Is there life on Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars? Sadly, no. Also, David Bowie died two years ago, as of January 10th. Holy shit, time flies when you’re busy shitposting dank memes and trading lap dances for Bitcoin. Oh, about that...

Bitcoin Bubble Butt

Aside from a few early adopters and select in-the-know clubs (Kit Kat and Dante’s, to name a couple...they have been taking Bitcoin for ages and got in when it was smart), Bitcoin hasn’t exactly permeated the adult industry...yet. Even though there are clubs that have issued their own cryptocurrencies, such as Legends Room in Las Vegas, the concept of digital money hasn’t (and, as I will argue, will not) catch mainstream adoption anytime soon. You can’t make it rain from the blockchain and you can’t fold up an Ether token on a tip rail.

Still, everyone and their mamma has been buying Bitcoin. This time last year, it was trading for around a grand. By the time this issue hits the stands, it will be trading from anywhere between $10,000 and $20,000 (unless it crashes or gets another Tether pump, but that’s a topic for a different publication). Hell, it could even go as high as a million—but, let me back everyone up from boarding the high-speed hype train before it heads off the tracks; we have seen this before, with the dot com bubble, Beanie Babies, tulip bulps and dubstep. You’re not investing in Bitcoin—you’re gambling.

I bought some a bit ago. I may buy more, next time I’m drunk and on the internet. But, I also know that it’s no different than hitting the craps table (and I’ve been sober for a bit). Here’s the problem with taking your stripper income and turning it into digital currency: when you want to cash out, you won’t be able to. The exchanges that let you sell Bitcoin tend to come to a screeching halt when the price action increases or decreases sharply. Bank accounts all over the country are flagging cryptocurrency deposits. The price to send Bitcoin from one exchange to another has gone from pennies, to a few dozen dollars. There is more insider trading in the Bitcoin and cryptocurrency community than there is shit talking in the dressing room, while the new girl is on stage.

Normally, I reserve this column for things that deal with the adult industry. Well, in an all-cash industry where everyone is trying to make a quick buck and bail, I’m assuming at least some of you own Bitcoin. Sell at least half. Trust me. I’m not a "financial adviser," but the fact that your investment is being covered in an adult magazine should tell you something—this is a bubble.

Hopefully, we will move forward to a cashless society, thus allowing the bankers and IRS to double-team us from both sides, while every bit of our personal lives and financial history is recorded to an immutable ledger, for all to see. Until then, enjoy those wads of ones. Stash your twenties. Hoard your hundreds. Buy gold jewelry from any dancer who sells it. Read this month’s Tales From The DJ Booth...the world is collapsing and strippers are the most resourceful, independent people alive. Don’t fall for internet pyramid schemes.

Also, thank you to whoever bought my Ethereum at $800.

R.I.P. August Ames, Victim Of Alt-Left Bullying

On December 5th, 2017, 23-year-old adult film star August Ames took her own life, after being severely bullied via Twitter, by self-proclaimed "social justice warriors" (I emphasize "self-proclaimed," as I’m as much of a fan of Rosa Parks as I am an enemy of Lena Dunham). The short version of the story, is that August learned that a male actor (who she was slated to do a scene with) had previously done male-male shoots and not disclosed them completely. Taking to Twitter, August warned other female porn actors that said male had done malemale scenes and that she had backed out of the offer with him due to increased risk of HIV. Within milliseconds, hundreds (if not, thousands) of Tweets went out, attacking August for being "homophobic" (and all the other phobias, as well...transphobic, racist, a Trump apologist, etc.). Several told the pornstar to kill herself. So, after suffering from depression for years, she did.

A girl in her early twenties was bullied to death by the so-called compassionate. How did the local press respond? Well, one paper, whose work I actually respect, ran a very well-written story by a local comedian, who took to the topic with a very self-aware slant and even brought up the obvious (that being the ethical conundrum of enjoying the work of a dead person). Yet, when sharing the story via their Facebook page, it included the additional commentary, "Welcome to Trump’s America."

Stop. This has nothing to do with Trump’s America. Had August been called racial slurs, been accused of siding with terrorists, had her birth certificate questioned or anything like that, sure—we can blame the alt-right. But, no. Hard fucking no. This was the neo-left, bullying a pretty girl to death. End of story. There is nothing tolerant about this new breed of hate-filled, selfproclaimed "progressives." You can’t champion equality, of the sexes, while calling all men rapists. You can’t champion racial harmony while pricing out black neighborhoods with feminist bookstores. You can’t support a woman’s right to do what she wants with her own body, by going on Twitter and telling her to kill herself for being a homophobe. Have any of you people read 1984?

As far as "homophobia" goes, clearly, those attacking August on Twitter have never set foot inside a gay bar. You’re more likely to find a stack of pamphlets regarding HIV testing in a restroom stall, than you are toilet paper. The risk of HIV that is associated with male-male sex has little to do with social constructs—the gay male community is at very high risk of HIV due to the mere physics involved with anal sex, combined with limited access to HIV testing and a lack of knowledge regarding the disease. Take any other STI and you will find biological factors related to biological sex. Trans women still need prostate checks. Lesbian women should get screened for HPV. This isn’t "altright" transphobia or Trump-sponsored homophobia: it’s fucking science.

If you bully a woman to death because of who she chooses not to sleep with, you’re not a progressive. You’re not a feminist. You’re not a social justice advocate. Rather, you belong in the "people who should have taken their own life, instead of telling a young woman to take hers" category.

And, to the "not all leftists" (hi, I’m one) people, how about policing our own? If a white rapper drops an N-bomb, the venue gets boycotted. But, if a girl gets bullied to death for what she doesn’t want to do with her own vagina, we frame the issue as being a function of "Trump’s America."

Hopefully, the glass housing bubble pops before Bitcoin does.

January Is Poppin’ Off

Clubs all over Portland are celebrating the new year with style, even though the holidays are over. Take a look at our spotlight of events below and make sure to keep an eye on Xmag. com for all the up-to-date info on our Facebook page. There are new clubs opening up all the time, including Reveal Lounge (same location as the former Boom Boom Room) opening their doors soon. Established clubs are upping their game (it appears Dream On is bringing in a whole new roster of dancers) and formerly "new" spots are cementing their reputation as staples (Casa Diablo is celebrating its 10-Year Anniversary on Thursday, February 1st). January may not be the warmest month in Oregon, but it’s definitely a perfect time to renew your interest in the Portland strip club scene. Forget dieting or sobriety— stick to a resolution that you can handle.