the time most of you read this, the Presidential election
will have been decided and well have a new puppet
in place for the next four or more years. But from
where I sit now, the race is still the "closest
in recent history." Which implies some sort of
eecause wxcitement, doesnt it? But no one, NO
ONE, is very excited. Be have no choice. The contestants
in this supposedly fevered race are exactly the same,
which makes perfect sense, considering the recent
trends towards conservative liberalism by both parties.
Its all the same bland nobody.
On the right.... a nepotistic southern conservative
with a pretty wife. On the left.... a nepotistic southern
conservative with a pretty wife. One manages to string
sentences together only to contradict himself minutes/days/years
later. A liar! But whats that in politics? The
other has trouble with sentences....would he lie if
In choosing a man to lead our country, youve
got to decide between a stupid asshole and an asinine
liar. All politicians are liars, but not all are asinine.
The office desperately needs a bit of suavity, a bit
of sex appeal. No harm in that, as Mr. Clinton so
resoundingly proved. [Has Al Gore ever had a blow
job? Did he know what a blow job was before the Congressional
hearings?] Its all about virility in the end.
Ive done some haphazard polling of the virile
strip club electorate. I asked patrons, naked girls,
and managers what they thought. Everyone weighed in
unfavorably against both candidates, but most had
clear Democratic/Independent leanings, strippers especially.
With their cowboy mentality and precious faith in
justice, the naked nation was wholly behind Nader.
Leave it to strippers to take the moral high ground.
None of this ethically questionable "vote for
Gore or Bush will win" for them. They weighed
their choices, found no choice at all, and signed
up for the third party. Most of em seemed pretty
intent on voting, too.
Al Gore ever had a blow job? Did he know what a blow
job was before the Congressional hearings?"
Our clientele seemed overall less inclined to even
appear at the polls, but also predominantly pro-Nader.
Lots of true-blue Democrats out there supporting the
arts, too, who will vote for Gore despite his plunder-the-environment-in-the-name-of-the-Lord-abortion-is-good?...bad?...good?...bad?...
stance. (Stance? Whats a stance?)
As for myself, Im siding with the strippers.
The only choice is Nader, a brilliant speaker and
committed civil servant who is virile enough in his
rebelliousness. Plus, Ive long believed that
America needs to break the two-party habit in order
to move forward out of this deadlocked dark age. Nader
is a bitty step in the right direction. [Nader-Ventura
2004!!] But for the rest of yall, Id counsel
you to think ahead to the morning after. Or next year.
Who would you rather see on television? Which of those
pretty wives is prettier? Thats all it is in
the end. If only America could produce a Vaclav Havel,
a poet, playwright, and thinker as President. Itll
never happena man of ideas and true faith is
So, given the "choice," Id rather
see Laura Bush. Get to know her better. Boxers or
briefs? Shes lovely, and seems to have an edge
to her. And I never, EVER want to see Tipper Gore
again. Not in print, on TV, or on some diplomatic
adventure. Shes disgusting, and not just cuz
she exudes censorious family values. Thats my
stance. If I cant have Mr. Nader or Cindy
McCain, then Laura Bush for first mate.
Throw em to the dogs.
Thanksgiving: Thanks.... for Oritalia, Van
and Al, grandmas in South Dakota, Teresa Dulce, naked
girls, boys, Mozart, cats, dogs, hedgehogs, Old Town,
yooooouuu... and for Commissioner Dan Saltzman, sending
his gang to support us at the Sex by Sex Workers Film
Festival! What a guy! Dan Saltzman for President!