For literally no other reason than sheer lack of ideas, I’m using this page space to revisit two pieces from this smut rag for some important updates concerning my Pulitzer-worthy journalism. See, we can’t consider Exotic to be the shining beacon of quality letters it is if we don’t also hold ourselves to the highest standards. Sometimes, things change. New information comes to light. Sure-fire investment ideas leave you bankrupt. Elections don’t turn out the way you want. Whatever the case, it’s up to us to maintain the integrity of our content by keeping you, Dear Reader, updated when necessary. I’ve been writing for this fine publication since January 2018, and due to my diligent fact-checking and sheer laziness, I’ve never felt compelled to write any updates or addendums to my flawless pieces. But hey, there’s a first time for everything.

So, in light of recent news, I felt it necessary to do some follow-ups to pieces past for your entertainment and my financial well-being...

Let’s play a little game really quick. Close your eyes and picture in your mind what a bouncer does on the job, and when you’re done, make sure you remember to open your eyes again so you can keep reading. Ready, go! Okay, got your eyes back open? Good work! I’d be willing to wager you pictured stuff like breaking up brawls and forcefully removing unruly customers. You likely envisioned instances of reactive security. And to be fair, you’ll never completely eliminate the necessity of reactive action. Every person in the bar or club is an additional variable in a complex equation, and you can’t always perfectly predict the behavior of those variables. You can, however, reduce the reactive portion of the job by being proactive. By doing the following, those of us working in club security can not only reduce the likelihood of serious incidents but also mitigate the severity of incidents that do come about. Work smarter, not harder...

Those special people who are lucky enough to consider you a friend and who you should also feel just so lucky to know. Individuals who each add their own unique blend of spices or shelf-stable powdered juice substance, meat, or milk product to your life. They’ve seen you at your best and have certainly seen you at your worst. They fight with you, but always in just the right way to where you both start talking to each other again…after a suitable amount of time apart, to sit and call each other names like “judgmental asshole" to yourselves...

In the course of human affairs, much has been decided by war. Naturally, everyone at war tries to get one over on their enemies. This typically results in offensive developments, as the progression of technology is often driven by conflict. However, this has also led to some absolutely ridiculous things that were, at their time, considered Very Good Ideas™, but as the tide of history moves on, we realize they were, in fact, not good ideas. I will take you through some of the most silly or impractical weapons people have made...