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August 2000 Columns
xmag.com : August 2000 : Sex Me

Sex Me by Teresa Dulce

My rant is about customers who see an escort and then get on their cyber carpet and let everybody know about their experience. Okay, freedom of speech, okay, all right. But what is going on when a man sees a lady, then logs on his computer afterwards and tells his chat buddies WHOM he saw, WHERE he saw her, WHAT the service was, and HOW MUCH he paid!? I'm talking about customers actually typing in WORLD WIDE that "Lacy" gave him "full service" for "200 dollars" and you can visit her at home in the "Brooklyn" neighborhood in Portland, just call "555-2314." Keeey-RIST. Why dontcha call my father and let him know I'm one helluva lay while you're at it?

This communication ring springs from computer technology. Sometimes you need a password to get into a chat room, sometimes customers build web pages just to recommend, or grade, the services of an escort. And they tell two nerds, and so on and so on.


No, gentle reader. It's the guy who lends details to other guys on the internet because he was so delighted with the private show. It's the mucho nerdo who maybe thinks he's giving the escort a compliment, or free advertising, or I don't know what. Guess what dudes, I have heard of this thing called the computer. If I wanted to advertise my services on it, I would have done it myself. If that guy is you, please stop this cyber-snitching. Stop it right now!

Last summer I was getting more calls that sounded like a recorded message. "Hello is this Teresa? A tall brunette with a cat grin?" What? That's a weird one in singular, much less several with that exact same line. Finally one guy tells me he read a review of me and wanted to book an appointment. He told me the computer said I gave XX service for XX dollars. FUCK YOU!!! Nobody, but nobody sets the rates to my services but me. Maybe I don't feel like doing service A today, but will agree to it anyway and will slap on a grumpy tax you didn't even know existed. Maybe I'll let you slide in price 'cause I'm in a good mood and you said all the right things and brought me presents.

Full service. What does that mean exactly....probably vaginal intercourse. Maybe it means that. Maybe trading sex for money is considered illegal and everytime a customer types it in he is PUTTING THE ESCORT AT RISK. At risk of getting busted, at risk of losing her power of negotiation, at risk of her finding this loud mouth and kicking his ass. Seriously, I think some of these guys forget sexual contact for pay is against the law. And what about the no-contact escorts? There's plenty of adult entertainers who offer a good, visual show with no touchy feely. If the customer describes her as full service and she's NOT, this escort is now in the position of talking down a patron who walked in with a different idea of what a private show is. And another thing, the few computer referrals I decided to book were total bunk: no shows, hemming and hawing, ridiculous phone etiquette. Grrrrrrrr.

It's tough, because if you bitch, would the guy just type that in too? What I do now is ask the voice on the phone where they saw my ad. I guess I prefer magazine referrals because then I know the guy took some effort to find me. These internet guys just log on at work and ring up escorts for kicks. This isn't a game, it's my goddamn job. And if you really want to give me a compliment, don't put my business on the internet. Available by appointment, serious inquires only.


Sex Me

Dec. 99
Nov. 99


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