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March 2000 Columns
xmag.com : March 2000 : Primate Studies - Online Xtra

Pornos for Primates - adult movie review by Rex Breathes

Primate Studies (An Exotic Online Xtra)
Girlfriend Remote

Last month’s lengthy column postponed printing rex’s readers responses. Some “Pornos” fans woke up from their winter slumber and took rex’s challenge to get involved in their porno community. In exchange for their emailed queries, selected for webprint this month, the following two readers walked off with all the pornos they could carry—liberated from their captivity down in debasement (AKA the “Real” zone). On to the email.


It seams (sic) like you don’t even like watching these movies so why do you do it? Is it the money or some kind of frinje (sic) benifit (sic), like pussy. (heh, heh)


Dear K.G.B.

I do it for the viagra™, and for my cuntry, but most of all, as my punishment for being born. Besides, it could be worse: I could be a TV critic, or, a corporate rock music critic forced to listen to every track of all the shitty CD’s that come in the mail. In truth, I’m grateful, with or without the pussy.

Mr. Breathes:

Do you jerk-off while reviewing these videos or do you keep that as a separate deal. I want to know, because I think it would be great to get paid to jerk off to these videos, and I bet you get to meat (sic) some of the starz? If you ever need any help, let me know.

John Q.

Mr. Q:

Although I am ambidexterous, writing with my right hand and jerking off with my left, I prefer to keep writing and jerking off as separate, yet equal activities. Thanks for your offer of help; I think I’ve got the jerking off part covered.

Send your comments to rexbreathes@hotmail.com. If your letter is printed, you get to walk off with all the pornos and pizza! you can carry in your grimey little hands. Pizza supplied by Dante’s Caffe Italiano. Bellissima, baby.

Click on this button for your free Girlfriend Remote


View a few slices of this month’s porno pie. All this xtra stuff going on here at Exotic Online that’s not in the regular old magazine, this’ll be our dirty little secret. Shhh.

Clip from this month's feature, Personal Trainer Sluts, Courtesy and © VCA Pictures:

Personal Trainer Sluts from VCA Pictures
1.9 MB Download
Cinepac Compressed AVI w. MP3 sound


From the twisted genius of Kris Kramski,
Provided by and © Sin City Films/Sin City Video, we present the following clips:

Clip from Kramski's Chloe:

Kris Kramski's Chloe
2.1 MB Download
Cinepac Compressed AVI w. MP3 sound

Clip from Kramski's Models:

Kris Kramski's Models
2.4 MB Download
Cinepac Compresed AVI w. MP3 sound

[Webmaster's Note: These videos use MP3 compressed audio tracks. To hear the sound, make sure you have the latest version of Windows Media Player (Windows 98, 95, or NT) or Quicktime (Mac). If you're viewing from Linux or UNIX, you're way cool but I don't know what to view AVIs with, because, not having an X-term, I always use UNIX from the command line.]

More Pornos for Primates
from Rex Breathes


Dec. 99
Nov. 99
Oct. 99
Aug. 99
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