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Evidently, someone out there is convinced that being single today isn't rough enough; there needs to be more stress and confusion about sex. That's the only explanation I can come up with for one of the biggest fads in pop culture; the idea of a particular sexuality "trapped" in a thoroughly inappropriate body.

While most people of all sexual preferences sometimes feel out-of-sync with their fellows, this notion of "trapped in a body" opens a fairly dangerous can of worms. With "gay chic" being the current media fashion, it makes for a pretty safe yet titillating statement for someone to make to be a woman trapped inside a man's body. How does one prove or disprove crap like that? If I meet some terrific woman, for example, who has a marked preference for anal and oral sex, does that mean that she's a gay man in a woman's body? If so, what does that make me?

So now, not only do we need to find out the results of someone else's most recent blood test before hopping in the sack and their gender of choice, we also need to find out the preference of the person "trapped inside." What if you're a bi male or female trapped in the body of either gender? Does that mean that if you do it with only one gender at a time, you're actually straight (or gay, depending on the match up)?

If I have sex with a woman and find out that there's a heterosexual man trapped inside, does that make him gay, or me, or both? If she tells me she's a hetero man inside a woman's body, and I go through with it, I'm gay, but if she doesn't let me know, I'm still cool, right? If a woman doesn't want to go out with me, but dates other guys, do I just write it off to the fact that she's a lesbian trapped in a heterosexual woman's body?

If you're a gay man, and you have sex with a woman trapped in a man's body, does that mean that you're actually straight, or bi? How about just plain gullible? It's not hard to imagine someone right now explaining to his lover that he's a gay male trapped inside a gay man's body, but not the right gay man's body.

Let's hope that the cost of "digital assistants" and laptops goes way down real fast, cause it's gonna take a computer to figure out who and what you're having sex with. What about playing it safe and sticking to masturbation? With my luck, I'd find out that my right hand is actually a left hand trapped in a righthand body. I guess the message is that sex at the end of the millennium is like a pi–ata at Christmas time; just wear your blindfold with pride, keep swinging and have as much fun as you can with the fallout.



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