celebrated Exotic magazine publisher Frank
Faillace conned me into this gig FOUR YEARS AGO,
I almost said no. I was on my way out the door,
after all, moving to New York or Antarctica or somewhere
in between. I'd been in Portland for nearly two
years--about as long as I'd lived anywhere else--and
I was ready for new scenery. But somehow I got stuck.
I think maybe I fell in love. With stripping.
I've been preaching about how wonderfully unique
and inspiring and not-at-all-bad the sex industry
is for six years. Jesus! Where does time go? And
it turns out I was dead wrong--the sex industry
IS bad. Cuz once you get a taste of it, you're pretty
well spoiled for any other occupation ever. It's
just too good.
seen so many girls come and go and then come back
again. They get their law degrees, get married,
have babies, go to rehab, buy houses. They say,
"This is my last shift ever" and party and give
away all their G-strings... but they're back a year
or so later. They told me I'd be back, and I rolled
my eyes and cursed 'em under my breath, and HERE
I AM. Even now I am psychologically in NYC, running
across the goddamned Brooklyn Bridge every morning,
but my body still manages to make it down to the
Magic Gardens twice a week, where it undresses and
purrs under the red lights. It's impossible to leave!
really, it is time to go. It was time to go two
years ago, but there were too many buts back then.
Now there's only one or two.
so I'm calling this my second-to-last column. Next
month will be my 50th. I can't believe you put up
with me for so long. It gives credence to my
theory that what's sexiest about a girl isn't her
exterior so much as her interior. Why else would
you come to the Magic and Mary's after five years
of virtually the same hot chicks?! It's about more
than a girl's outfit, hair color, breast size or
butt size. I think it's cuz you like getting to
know us, and the fact that we chicks are all-nude
and living exclusively off your generosity somehow
makes us more willing to get to know you. It ends
up being pretty intimate in spite of the contrivance.
God, I love it.
what can I do to wean myself off of my addiction?
I love to act and might pursue that, but you seldom
get to say what you really want or be who you really
are when you're acting. You can in music, but it's
still more scripted than stripping and less physically
satisfying. Ultimately, walking across a tiny stage
butt-naked shooting off my smart-ass mouth has been
the job of my dreams. Maybe I could publish my book,
then crisscross the country giving all-nude book
tours and college lectures. Ah, but those audiences
are so whitebread! I'm ruined, see? You've ruined
predict I'll be here through October, then party,
give away all my G-strings and kiss you goodbye.
Maybe I'll be back! Who knows? Or maybe I'll stay
forever. Miss Mona says that kicking stripping is
harder than kicking junk. Until then I'll write
dribbly interviews with rock stars and be all-nude
downtown. And try not to fall in love with anything
a million for supporting the arts.