Studio A; Dir., Andrew Blake; Stars: Anita Blond, Chelsea
Blue, Sophie Evans, Zdenka; shot on film in Venice
Water sounds gently lapping on the shores of sheerest
black nylon, tautly covering/revealing Anita Blond's pussy...
gives in to elegant masturbation. Yes. This must be Blakeland.
European lace. High fashion. No sleaze. But Blake has abandoned
any semblance of script for a collage of vignettes, each
filmed like a museum painting. There are no characters giving
voice and emotion to this painted passion; one watches from
afar. Pretty, even profound. But even a voyeur wants to
feel more involved. The watcher wants to want... and ultimately
be wanted, too. A cock escapes tight black pants and gets
sucked in a stark black and white scene lacking triumph
or conclusion. All the scenes have this timbre of shards
picked up and pieced together. But nothing strings them
together other than the director's intent... and that is
never clear. A monkey at the digital editing bay could have
spliced together the footage with as much meaning. Not to
demean Blake's photography. His 35 mm lens holds the highest
license for artfully filming the female form.
But Decadence looks no different than
a trailer--a long advertisement for the coming of Blake.
Has this filmmaker forgotten that his camera eye is not
God, or what everyone paid to see, but a gifted and adept
servant? The means, his camera, not only justifies but has
become the end.
I'm reminded of a scene in The Player
where the murdering producer laughs ironically, describing
a future filmworld where we can just skip the creative process
and all the messiness of writers and scripts and actors
all together. But even though this producer has already
killed a writer, he's still unwilling to murder the creative
process. Well, Mr. Blake, did you forget sometimes we come
to the movies to see ourselves reflected in the screen by
placing your camera, your production, above all else? Blakesworld
is too perfectly painted pretty too see anything other than
Devil In Miss Jones 5; VCA Platinum; Dir, Gregory Dark;
Stars: Juli Ashton, Kelly O'Dell, Jeanna Fine, Rebecca Lords,
Michael J. Coxx, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron, Jon Dough and
a dozen others.
The devil wears a red jump suit, eats fried chicken and
lectures us about how to "unfuck" the 19 year old Miss Jones.
After 10 minutes I'm getting bored with the Carnival in
Iowa atmosphere till the fire lady comes along, teasing
her flesh with flames. Meanwhile, a couple of dirty old
men in black suits, looking like Iowa conventioneers, watch
and feel-up the woman between them who's dressed only in
dimestore beads. The fire lady fellates a giant cock on
a bed of cheap yellow boas and leopard print sheets. Not
bad. I even like the 80s guitar rock under. But Miss Jones
looks a few years beyond 19. No matter. This acid rock fuckage
is a long way from Blakesworld.
Back to the idiotic ramblings of the devil in
black bicycle gloves introducing scene 3: Some Greek Gods
and Goddesses going gangbang on Miss Jones fails to deliver
in the pillars of cock on Mt. Olympussy (my term, not the
script's). Jeanna Fine fucks Miss Jones with a strap-on
longer than the previous sentence. Later, a little girl
(Miss Jones) watches mommy getting fucked by all the guys
in the army on Christmas fucking furlough. Then more carnival
lore as three prom queens fuck their captains in crude cages.
Jon Dough and Tom Byron don hair pieces so they can fuck
the serving wenches serving their cocks.
I hate to say this, but Gregory Dark, of the
original New Wave Hookers fame, has lost his spark.
The last scene nearly pulls it out with a throwback to the
70s orgy finale. And Miss Jones wakes up in hell... would
be watching DMJ 5 more than once in a lifetime. What
a waste of talent.
The Adventures of Peeman 2; Filmco; Dir.,
I.P. Freely; Stars: Sylvia Saint, Patricia, Allisa, Kara,
Capt. Bob, Dick Nasty
The thing you have to realize is that The
Adventures of Peeman 2 means there was a Peeman
one. Amazing. We open with the gorgeous Sylvia Saint (what
the fuck is she doing in this video?) peeing on the toilette
as a prelude to having sex. I'm glad she got that out of
the way. 80s soft jazz under and I wonder, where is this
going? If you really want to find out, I'll give you this
video and you can write the review. Which brings to mind
this preview of coming attractions: Porn reviews by a Chinese
Restaurant waitress. That's right, the everyday, thirty-something
work-a-day female is going to throw her tips into this column...
Back to Peeman scene two, she stoops and
pees after the fuckage--really mixing things up. Anyhow.
I think you get the picture. Women need to go either before
or after they have sex. At least it didn't take a team of
monkeys, i.e. scientists, working around the clock on a
million dollar grant to figure that one out.
Deluxe; Sin City; Dir., Nic Cramer; Stars: Sylvia Saint,
Gina Lynn, Daniella Rush, Shanna McCollough, Lexington Steels,
Just for the sake of continuity--what a concept--we
follow Sylvia Saint from the bladder of Peeman to
the big screen offering of Sex Deluxe... literally,
as we open with a self-conscious Sylvia doing a strip tease
in front of a movie screen while the men in the popcorn
shadows watch and wait for her butter and salt and something
oh-so-sweet to drink. Meanwhile, Gina Lynn is hooked up
by the mad doctor (Herschell Savage) to some weird/wired
hypno sexperiment. Back in the theatre, Sylvia gets down
off the stage and into the folding seats where the penis
proud patrons can stiff her. Beautiful shaved silky smooth
pussy. She fucks one cock while others watch and jerk. Sylvia
looks great on film when she gazes over at the camera with
dick in her mouth. What more could you ask for? A dick in
her tight ass. You got it.
been down midnight country roads that weren't as long as
So the premise here is that Gina Lynn is seeing
these trance-like scenes while the mad doctor probes her
psyche. Tres 70s concept. Thoughtful execution. So the Black
workman does the lost little girl dressed in white. Tennis
anyone? His balls are that big. Watch out for the ebony
cocksuck worship in this scene. When Dorothy sucks one that
size, she must know she's not in Kansas anymore. And that's
before she gets lifted up and carried away by his tornado
fuck, up the ass; it's simply amazing the girl can even
accommodate the half of it. I've been down midnight country
roads that weren't as long as his dick.
Scene three: "Out in the rain getting wet," Gina
describes her dream to the doctor. "I feel like I'm losing
control... I feel too good." Reminds me of last night, out
on the island. But we didn't have the cool electronica under...
turns techno as a drenched Gina turns to suck cock. I like
this fucking movie we're in. I think you should rent it;
and I'm not just saying that to get back in good graces
with Jeff Wosniak at Sin City. Because Gina's nipples are
so hard, they look like fenceposts sticking up outta the
mud. Bad boob job, though. God I love naturals. So, naturally
I'm spent--run-out of space on this page. Except to say:
When you actually write while watching porno, something
strange happens to your brain. Off.