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xmag.com : December 2000 : Carnal Knowledge

FrankCarnal Knowledge

It's the end of the world (as we know it)...
I'm talking about--of course--the dreaded Y2.001K Bug...
Upon the rollover of the clocks at midnight New Year's Eve, computers around the world--not able to accurately differentiate between dimpled ballots and dimpled buttcheeks--will crash. The resulting crash will cripple the internet and warp the space-time continuum, thus causing a whore-rific chain reaction resulting in His Fraudulency President-Elect George W. (Lick) Bush being impeached-- before he's even sworn in-- by the House of (Wax) Representatives, spurred on of course, by appointed Special Prosecutor Monica Lewinsky and the razor-thin "will of the people" in an impromptu Florida butterfly-ballot, hand-counted referendum...
Locally, the Y2.001K Computer Disaster could snowball into Portland Mayor Vera Katz's decision to declare the Oregon Constitution "Unconstitutional" and consequently zoning all adult businesses into a three-block circumference centered around embattled Portland Police Chief Mark (Fuhrman) Kroeker's residence... subsequently cascading down to an ordinance requiring the pictures of all Portland escort and lingerie models being pasted on the back of milk cartons and telephone poles citywide... and in Miami-Dade County...
Personally, the Y2.001K Computer Bug could have positive repercussions. It's possible that the warp in the space-time continuum could minutely alter individual consciousness, allowing certain adult industry business people to clearly see through the propaganda of hardcore (Kirby) salesmen as to which seasoned adult publications in Portland actually care about the adult industry by contributing considerable time and money to fight unfair ordinances and ballot measures, and which adult publications in Portland actually print intelligent, relevant articles--not just tripe cannibalized off the internet, and which Portland adult publications have the readership and distribution base to justify advertising in them...
...And I feel fine.

 

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