Our esteemed publisher Frank
Faillace is somewhere on vacation this month,
more than likely in the VIP room at the Gold
Club in Atlanta...
In his absence we'd like to
say that Frank is a pretty cool, great guy.
He's really smart, and he's moderately successful
and good-looking on top of it all.
You know he graduated an honor
student at Newberg High School back in the '80s,
scored a 1420 on the SAT, and got a full academic
scholarship at George Fox University, where
he majored in physics and mathematics before
he dropped out to pursue a career in software
design, photography, writing and publishing.
So, actually, we were all thinking
around here that maybe SOMEBODY reading this
could use someone with Frank's innate talents
and skills. Maybe you could offer him a nice,
easygoing JOB? See, as much as we all really
love the guy, he's starting to wear on us. He's
getting on our NERVES a bit. We actually do
a much better job when he's NOT AROUND. And,
to be honest, we all think he's a little BURNED
Which is understandable, because
you know a major monthly magazine deadline can
mentally BREAK a guy down after more than eight
years. We've managed to convince him to bathe
regularly these days. The drooling means he
needs nappy-time, but that only happens two
or three times a day. So if anybody has something,
ANYTHING really... He's very good at cleaning
and scrubbing things. As long as you don't mind
Anyway, please let us know
here at the office if you've got any openings.
He works for cheap. Just make sure you keep
a lot of Pepsi, Baby Ruth bars and Bacardi 151
around and he'll practically work for free.
We could even kick in some money for you to
take him. But don't tell him we set this up.
We can ship him over as soon as he gets back.
Or you can just pick him up directly from the
Greyhound station. Let us know the address so
we can forward his Social Security checks. Thanks.