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xmag.com : April 2002 : Carnal Knowledge
Frank
Carnal Knowledge

THE AXES OF EVIL

Well, things sure have been getting choppy here in Exotic-land lately. It all started when our General Manager, Bryan Bybee, fired our former Editor Gary Aker. All I could say was:

"It is beyond my control."

Then our new Editor, Jim Goad, in quick succession, dumped Darklady; ridiculed Goddess Severina; and pissed off all the below-average-IQ, politically-correct, hypocritic lesbians and Bob Marley fans in the greater metropolitan area (apparently there are a lot of them).

"It is beyond my control."

Then our ne'er-do-well salesman/photographer/employee-of-the-month John "Spooky" Voge wrote a bunch of nonsensical drivel castigating several white trash strip clubs we don't like, thus pissing off said white trash strip club owners.

"It's beyond my control."

I was accused of satanic worship by some washed-up, meth-addicted wannabe rock star, and some washed-up, delusional wannabe publisher.

"It's BEYOND my control."

I lost my rental privileges at Fantasy Adult Video due to unpaid late fees.

"It is most certainly BEYOND my control."

But all is not lost. For instance, last week, during a simple conversation with a beautiful girl I had just met, I was able to use the terms "Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle" and "jerk off" in the same sentence--legitimately--and she was so impressed she french-kissed me for nearly three minutes...

 

THAT'S ME IN THE CORNER...

So now Exotic is getting some of that old-time religion... But with Osama bin Laden's Islamic Jihad terrorism, Palestinian Muslim suicide bombers, Rev. Billy Graham's anti-Semitic remarks caught on tape, Catholic priests paying over $1 billion in hush money to cover up child molestations, shunned Jehovah's Witnesses killing their families, and Hindus mobbing Muslims in India for killing a cow...

Hell, Satan is starting to sound better every day.

 

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